A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
