Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Found your dick twin last night
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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