think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
