I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
