I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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