I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
