I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
