don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
