Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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