It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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