I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
