remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
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