It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I touched a dick in church today
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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