I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
