i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
