They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
