So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
