What did we do last night that was yellow?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
