NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize