I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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