I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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