hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
