yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
