Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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