I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
