I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
someone get that fucking seahorse.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
