So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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