I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I touched a dick in church today
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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