He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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