everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You took a bar mat shot.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
