why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
