my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
