How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
