I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
