Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How does one acquire holy water?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
