He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
