he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize