That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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