Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
