i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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