I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
