Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Congratulations! We have a period
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