My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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