I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
