I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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