it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
