She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
