I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He felt like a one man threesome
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
