I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
