My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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