Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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