hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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