im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
