My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
