hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
