And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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