We won't sleep together?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i think my cat just said my name.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
