Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
