How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
