Kiss
Puke
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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