And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
