Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
