who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
