woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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