K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
