Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
