Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
