i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
