I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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