I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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