Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
