I bet he comes in French.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize