I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
